02-23-2016, 08:51 PM
Thank you for sharing my work with your friends, and your continued feedback. Yes, I do consider this a dramatic work (which really hits full swing in the next episode). Mind you, it didn't start out that way. It gradually evolved from the text "commentator" of my FarSky let's play, and you can see the seeds of Rhaomi's character in the commentator's snarky observations. STMB started life as a "what if the character I was playing talked back to me" sort of thing, which is why the "player" character of YellowDemonHurlr exists within the universe--an author avatar is a dangerous gambit, and in retrospect was probably a mistake, but it's done so I have to stick with it and hope that I can make it work.
Ultimately, however, I fell into my usual "bad" habit of blowing everything into a sweeping epic and wound up with a much more serious story arc. If people are interested, I could post my "first draft" of episode 1, which was more overtly a "game" whereas the current story is "real."
Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of people get feedback from. It's kind of a niche thing. I was hoping that by sharing this here I'd get the attention of other people who write in the Avali universe, but thus far very few people have left me any kind of comments, and only you evaluate it critically.
Don't worry about your feedback eroding my desire to do the series--I'm well-used to receiving critical feedback on my fiction, and your feedback is always constructive. While I have some doubts about the viability of the project beyond this first arc, I don't want you to hold back on important criticism for fear of hurting my feelings. STMB is an experiment--my first foray into episodic video narratives. If I do continue, I need a strong base.
I am curious why you think of it like a play. To my view, it follows the form of a TV miniseries--episodic, prerecorded, edited, and heavily processed with multiple takes, etc. It's a lot more heavily edited than it might appear--for instance, that long section where Yellow controls Rhaomi in the Miniknog base looks like it was all done at once, but is actually multiple attempts stitched together.
Ultimately, however, I fell into my usual "bad" habit of blowing everything into a sweeping epic and wound up with a much more serious story arc. If people are interested, I could post my "first draft" of episode 1, which was more overtly a "game" whereas the current story is "real."
Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of people get feedback from. It's kind of a niche thing. I was hoping that by sharing this here I'd get the attention of other people who write in the Avali universe, but thus far very few people have left me any kind of comments, and only you evaluate it critically.
Don't worry about your feedback eroding my desire to do the series--I'm well-used to receiving critical feedback on my fiction, and your feedback is always constructive. While I have some doubts about the viability of the project beyond this first arc, I don't want you to hold back on important criticism for fear of hurting my feelings. STMB is an experiment--my first foray into episodic video narratives. If I do continue, I need a strong base.
I am curious why you think of it like a play. To my view, it follows the form of a TV miniseries--episodic, prerecorded, edited, and heavily processed with multiple takes, etc. It's a lot more heavily edited than it might appear--for instance, that long section where Yellow controls Rhaomi in the Miniknog base looks like it was all done at once, but is actually multiple attempts stitched together.