02-28-2016, 01:53 AM
So we had a bunch of people not show up to play, so the DM told us they were under a spell when we checked on them (after the warlock crit failed a hit check when trying to wake one of them up with an eldritch bolt and accidentally hit a cat outside the window), so then we ran around town trying to figure out how to undo it, spent every cent we had on a magical candle after failing numerous persuasion checks to negotiate a lower price, failed an insight check to identify anything in the store after putting the shopkeep to sleep and stealing most of our money back (he later failed the insightt checks to figure out it was us, and somehow just accepted that he passed out at the counter and some hooligan stole all of the money from his last sale except 230 gold pieces and an enchanted ring while he was asleep), successfully woke up our wizard and rogue, then ditched the rogue to investigate a body in the streets, who turned out to be the DMPC, 2/4 party members failed the necessary rolls to recognize the body despite him being one of maybe 2 tieflings in the entire town. Then suddenly Ogres and Kobolds attacked, again 2/4 failed the rolls to figure this out but as soon as combat started I instantly decapitated the first Kobold, our wizard disoriented both Ogres, our Warlock cast a 2 damage bolt, successfully pissing them off further, the bard attacked one, actually doing decent damage and forcing it to flee, and then I got stabbed in the leg by a Kobold after blocking the other and dodging under the Ogre's attack despite my full armor and shield. So then we found out I was a level 1 in a party of level 3s and a lot of rules just kinda got thrown out the window and they let me rewrite my stats and abilities on the fly to reflect me being level 3 as the fight went on so I attacked both Kobolds, missed one and mortally wounded the other, the warlock continued to fail his rolls, the bard stabbed one of the Kobolds through the eye and gave me a saving d6, I forget what the wizard did but I remember the fleeing Ogre died, I don't know if the town guard (of whom about 10 were helping us in this fight) or wizard did it, then I heard "everybody roll a d20!" so I complied without the foggiest idea what the roll was for, passed the roll with a 17 or something, and was informed that my character had thrown one of his 2 handaxes at the Ogre and embedded it in it's shoulder. Somehow. So then on my turn proper I decapitated the remaining Kobold with my d6 and the DM let me ccharge the last Ogre for some reason, I missed of course, as did the entire town guard, who then got smacked across the street by the Ogre's great club. Basically for a few turns we alternated between missing this screaming and dying Ogre or just doing piss for damage, and it returned the favor as it focused it's efforts on the town guard, until finally our wizard had the opportunity to execute it. The DM asked "how do you wanna kill it?" and the wizard replied "just send some fucking magic missiles right up it's godamn ass" and so then the corpse exploded, everyone was showered in gore, had to make a con save to not vomit, pretty much everyone passed, and I broke my axe trying to retrieve it from a wall. So then we accidentally had forced the BBEG's hand or something because a high level necromancer hits us with prismatic spray, straight up petrifying the warlock and putting everyone at -1 HP except me, then we all rolled initaitve, I won again, but the necromancer matched me and won the tie breaker roll, so he revived the one Kobold that we DIDN'T decapitate, who then tried to attack our bard, as everyone had passed their death saving throws, then on my turn I immediately annihilated the Kobold with one 11 damage strike, and the bard successfully stole the necromancer's magic focus, forcing him to retreat after 1 turn of combat and saving us from a TPK. So yeah we're all DRENCHED in Ogre blood, the town is in ruins, there's a great club embedded in a nearby tower that is currently the only thing holding it up, our warlock is a statue, a cleric kinda shuffled in and joined us toward the end of that fight so we have another party member now, I'm short a handaxe, and I somehow survived a high level spell that nearly wiped the party after rolling fuck all on 2 HP level throws, and then I rolled my second 1 on my level 4 HP roll.
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I answer questions. snark provided free of charge.
Most hated member of the nexus, irritation and/or ragequit guaranteed or your money back.
"IF I DO NOT RETURN INFORM MY HUMAN COHABITANTS THAT I FEEL STRONGLY FOR THEM"