02-24-2016, 02:12 AM
(02-23-2016, 08:51 PM)YDH Wrote: Thank you for sharing my work with your friends, and your continued feedback. Yes, I do consider this a dramatic work (which really hits full swing in the next episode). Mind you, it didn't start out that way. It gradually evolved from the text "commentator" of my FarSky let's play, and you can see the seeds of Rhaomi's character in the commentator's snarky observations. STMB started life as a "what if the character I was playing talked back to me" sort of thing, which is why the "player" character of YellowDemonHurlr exists within the universe--an author avatar is a dangerous gambit, and in retrospect was probably a mistake, but it's done so I have to stick with it and hope that I can make it work.
Ultimately, however, I fell into my usual "bad" habit of blowing everything into a sweeping epic and wound up with a much more serious story arc. If people are interested, I could post my "first draft" of episode 1, which was more overtly a "game" whereas the current story is "real."
Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of people get feedback from. It's kind of a niche thing. I was hoping that by sharing this here I'd get the attention of other people who write in the Avali universe, but thus far very few people have left me any kind of comments, and only you evaluate it critically.
Don't worry about your feedback eroding my desire to do the series--I'm well-used to receiving critical feedback on my fiction, and your feedback is always constructive. While I have some doubts about the viability of the project beyond this first arc, I don't want you to hold back on important criticism for fear of hurting my feelings. STMB is an experiment--my first foray into episodic video narratives. If I do continue, I need a strong base.
I am curious why you think of it like a play. To my view, it follows the form of a TV miniseries--episodic, prerecorded, edited, and heavily processed with multiple takes, etc. It's a lot more heavily edited than it might appear--for instance, that long section where Yellow controls Rhaomi in the Miniknog base looks like it was all done at once, but is actually multiple attempts stitched together.
Have you ever seen an episodic play before? Sometimes the chapters of the play can overlap in time, to the point they take place at the same time, or in the next room over. There's cases where the narrator is brought in as an actual character within the play, despite beforehand not having been one. And the story advances forwards without a stop. I wish I could give an example (or at least knew what the specific one I'm talking about was called or where to find it) Saw the one I'm talking about a long while ago in a school. Drama students from grades 11 and 12. In any case. The stylization of an over-character directly being able to converse with an internal character. Your avatar of yourself is essentially an actor, character, and narrator all in one. The only thing missing from being a play is being able to directly interact with your onlookers. However. You have already dealt within it, the fourth wall break. So, your avatar is. Narrator, Actor, character, and onlooker, all in one. A complicated part to be sure.
So you are right in it being technically more a miniseries of sorts. But internally it thinks it's a play. And it shows. Has it's own special spark for it too. It's no bad thing.