03-02-2016, 06:40 AM
Thank you again for sharing my work. I'll take another look at that line... it seems mostly okay to me, maybe because I know how it's supposed to be delivered, but it is kinda long. Thanks for the feedback.
Edit: Ah, I bet I know why this line seems strange to you--it's different from the sort of interactions Yellow and Rhaomi have engaged in in the past. That was basically a lobbing "you suck" back and forth but this is different, there's no real hostility behind it, and even a bit of playfulness as the two become more comfortable with each other. It's not rudeness so much as banter.
Edit: Ah, I bet I know why this line seems strange to you--it's different from the sort of interactions Yellow and Rhaomi have engaged in in the past. That was basically a lobbing "you suck" back and forth but this is different, there's no real hostility behind it, and even a bit of playfulness as the two become more comfortable with each other. It's not rudeness so much as banter.